No Hesitation

and then you turn
to me and say
'do you recall when 
you grabbed your grandmother's
old wicker chair
and cracked me over
the head with it?'

we swap hot coffee for
warm red wine and i
giggle and nod with a smile
we swim, sink and
resurface in memories as
the smoke from our cigarettes
dilutes our laughter

we speak of smashing plates,
restraints
and foul actions parallel to love
then you
move in and try to kiss me
and i
feel myself sicker 
then the night 
we ended up
throwing up bile
together

There Is No One To Take Care Of You Now

I propel myself forward with an energy

So rarely seen in one so sickly

With one arm caught up in my jacket

 The other grabbing

At my hair

My fingers twisted and pulling

Displaying tangled frantic behavior from asylums

and nightmares

I bare the whites of my teeth

I bare the whites of my eyes

Wild and showing the moon*

I scream about pain and love

And fucking and

Dig my nails into my own skull and

Shake and smile

Why won’t you wait for me

Why won’t you come back for me

I spin around as my ankles give way on the flooring

And I am just another drunk trying to stay sane on

A Wednesday morning.

My eyes roll

The top row of teeth melts over my jaw

 And my limbs are splayed in

The most impossible

Awkward angles

I heard music in the background

Jangle ‘I am sailing on the sea’

My fingers feel the street first, licking

Back at the forever wetted cobbles

Before my body goes down

And I see everything around me in a

Split second

Beautiful and grey and smeared with black

 You were always in my visions and

I already thought I was on my knees

Briefly I start to live again as you

Pace towards me and

I close my eyes and push my face forward

As if I am about to kiss the sun*

But as I search you

There is no light for Mass in your eyes

 

Polite Notice

You and your girls

In and around the bar

The Terror of Human Freedom

For the King Rat on his Birthday. (You're not Punk, and I'm telling everyone.)

The chapter never ends if

You do not read the last line

So we pull it on and over

Into Real Life where

You get bigger and stronger

And take me with you

Like a current, swept up

Pulling me along

A caring wave that

Will not stop until we reach the shore

‘I believe that I hate you more than anything

Else in the world’ are the truest words

You ever penned and

The pain in which we celebrate and devour each other

Is the marrow core of what we are because

We are not a work of fiction.



- For Beau Voge

Here, no more
Hear, no more

Waltzing

I’m not sure who you are

But the way you are going

          I’m going too

You’ve got something of the Devil in you

I am the birth

And you are the death

Together we are change

2nd November 2011, 21:58.

'Yeah, but we love each other....
But it doesn't mean we have to have a 'relationship'.
I'd much rather read your writing
Than do your washing up.'

Sidenote

"Make sense," Fielding said,
"Tell the real story of your life. You alone
Can tell the truth!"
"I don't want to make any sense," I replied.

I'm too ugly to go out into the world.
I'm a hideous monster.

- Kathy Acker: 'The Adult Life of Toulouse Lautrec.'

Dry Dock

it’s ten o’clock, time

to leave

pack

up

ship

out
 

sail

only

now

            the motor’s broken.

Little Bird

'I'm in love' she spat, pounding
My chest with her tiny fists
That felt like birds fluttering
                        Against
My ribcage.

I thought my ribs caged a love
                                                For her.

But there between my arms
And cold stare, I knew that I could
Crush her.

Circe

I Stand Alone,
Zoomorphic At Dawn

Hold Tight

Grey ash rises

And I feel my skin and bones

Changing

I am decaying

Watch

The cinders sit like oil

On the water

And I fall

Like a penny

Down into the depths

No hope and lost rope

I leave you content

Below the waves

For you have already touched the sky

My hand

Your chest

An accidental death

As Distance moves Closer, Remember, Never lasts Forever.

Same Old

With One word or

One look, it’s over.

When just before I was about ready

To stand up and shout

Out about this crazy little thing called ‘Swoon’.

But with you I’ve learnt how quick

Instant really is. That tone of voice

 Or your head

In those hands makes me cough

Up that lump in my throat for

A little bit of attention,

That stuff that made me ‘Smitten’.

So when the change comes,

As it has come before, the mood is more

Suited to those willing to fight for the

Sake of it,

 When I’d rather scream for the love of it.

softer.softest.

swing open, door!

Grit, gravel and spit,

Bonfires lit, then dampened

With sentiments cast out like runes,

Unfulfilled and self fulfilling, twisting

In pockets

Where graven, holy hands

Finger them smooth as golden eggs,

And keep them warm until they burst.

Sunday Morning

You have eyes like an

Egyptian cat.

Now,

There’s a story

Behind that. ‘They aren’t mine’

I say.

I borrowed them.

I met him playing dice in the alleyway.

In the dark.

Playing dice with a scarab beetle.

Howling and cackling.

Drinking from strong bottles and

Betting with caps. His eyes, I remember

I promised to bring them back.

With a plump and juicy rat

Caught

Between my own teeth, and

Wrapped

Within my own hair.

Harry for Henry, Forever.

My bedroom best-friend.

A Hint (beginning of the end)

she said 'thank you
for the Turkish
Delight last night,
among other things'